I generally don't read a lot of the e-mail that gets sent my way through the University's mass-distribution lists. It's either not targeted at me, or I simply don't care.

However, a recent message came through the servers exhorting us to "recognize the importance of diversity and cultural awareness", and it's irritated me. If you're a tolerance weenie, go elsewhere. I'm ill-rested and in a foul mood, so here goes. I have reproduced certain sections of the message, which was garbled in some part due to a MIME or HTML-mail error.

This website shows 101 ways to increase your tolerance and promote equity and diversity. [The first sixteen were reprinted in the message.]

The original suggestions are in italics; my commentary is in ordinary Roman-Arial type.

1. Attend a play, listen to music or go to a dance performance by artists whose race or ethnicity is different from your own.

Dance performance? I don't like to watch white people dancing; what makes you think that I'll enjoy anyone else doing it? Gah, no.

2. Volunteer at a local social services organization.

That sounds more like a Christian thing to do---oh wait, Christians are intolerant anti-Semitic bigots unless they kiss up to Islamics and the like. Tsk tsk...

3. Attend services at a variety of churches, synagogues, mosques and temples to learn about different faiths.

Ahem. One isn't often welcome in faiths where you're not a member. I doubt any Jews would be happy to see me in their synagogue, because I'm distinctively not one of them. The next time I set foot in a mosque---been to one in D.C.---will be when I close it down for terrorist activity. I doubt they'd want to see a Western infidel (and proud of it!) darkening their doorsteps and soiling their sacred ground.

4. Visit a local senior citizens center and collect oral histories. Donate large-print reading materials and books on tape. Offer to help with a craft project.

Visiting rest homes can be downright scary. I went to one to see my grandmother recently, and it sounded like I was in some sort of Dickensian mental ward. I don't deal well with blank stares from physical and/or mental wrecks who've been abandoned by their irresponsible families.

That being said, when I was in college, the local College Republicans went to a rest home and did nice Easter things for people, like making Easter bunnies out of household materials. I don't remember any of the campus Democrats going along, though. Once again, Democrats talk about a problem; Republicans do something about it.

Exactly how does an oral history, although inherently worthy in its own right, increase tolerance or diversity? History itself is probably above such petty political goals.

5. Shop at ethnic grocery stores and specialty markets. Get to know the owners. Ask about their family histories.

Actually, I already do this. I'm very fond of shopping at stores which serve my interests. Considering my English-American heritage, that's getting pretty 'ethnic' and 'specialty' at the same time. The owners? They're too busy making money and managing a network of stores to waste time trading family history with a customer who doesn't own a distributing company. Rubbish!

6. Participate in a diversity program.

I have already participated in diversity programs. They're referred to as undergraduate admissions. I didn't like them at all. On the other hand, if I could learn how to angle my family history and whatnot to take advantage of these programs (the ultimate sabotage!) I could probably live with them:

Me: "Yes, I'm the son of immigrants."
Admissions Officer: "Fantastic! You qualify for a full ride and nubile co-eds on the weekends. If you don't mind my asking, when did your family arrive?"
Me: "The '60s."
AO: "That was such an awful time."
Me: "Yeah, I bet my family wasn't big on the war either. But, we got our first look at a man who would be President during that war."
AO: "You're referring to Senator Kerry, of course! This is so wonderful..."
Me: "Er, in truth, I was referring to George Washington. Bloody French and Indian War."
AO: "I thought you said your family arrived here in the '60s."
Me: "They did. Oh, you were thinking of the 1960s. Sorry about that"

7. Ask a person of another cultural heritage to teach you how to perform a traditional dance or cook a traditional meal.

Charlie don't surf and the Country Pundit doesn't dance, unless it's that Celtic stuff he saw at a festival once, which seemed pretty simple. I don't do foreign food, either.

8. Learn sign language.

This teaches tolerance how? Unless I'm trying to pick up Marlee Matlin, I doubt I'd have any use for it. If I've got something to say to a deaf man, I'll write it out so as not to waste his time.

9. Take a conversation course in another language that is spoken in your community.

Luckily, I can just watch re-runs of Hee-Haw in order to understand the other languages spoken in my community. Thank God for that! (Admittedly, folks from south of the American border are starting to crop up in my hometown, so this might actually be something to do in order to have a wider business clientele.)

10. Teach an adult to read.

How this teaches respect for diversity and tolerance is beyond me. Although adult literacy is a worthy goal, I would suggest that teaching them to read as a method of 'tolerance' is counter-intuitive. Isn't it intolerant to go and say, "Look you, you can't read and I won't stand for it. Change now!" Of course, if you're like me and have no time for this tolerance crap, you'd support adult literacy as a way to help make a man (or a woman) a self-sufficient member of the society and therefore pull his or her weight.

11. Speak up when you hear slurs. Let people know that bias speech is always unacceptable.

Yeah, that's real tolerant. "I won't stand for the way you talk! It's unacceptable!" I thought the point of this message was teaching tolerance and acceptance. Oops, must've missed the definitions memo or something.

12. Imagine what your life might be like if you were a person of another race, gender or sexual orientation. How might "today" have been different?

Just to be snide, I'll throw this out there: There's only one race, the human race. Anything else is a false socio-political construct, used most recently by craven individuals to justify one ridiculous program or another. Had I been a woman today, I'd probably be just like I am now---a somewhat jaded and cynical type who doesn't have a lot of time for pop culture pretties that get by on looks and glitz. I'd also be able to file sexual harrassment charges, which would be pretty cool.

If I were of a different sexual orientation, I'd have it pretty good here in America for the time being. The news media and many cultural elites in this country would do their best to worship me and hold me up as the ultimate in humanistic development. I'd be able to scream "INTOLERANT!" at anyone who disagreed with me on anything.

Alas, I'll just have to muck through life as a normal man. Darn.

13. Take the How Tolerant are You? A Test of Hidden Bias[citation omitted]. Enlist some friends to take this "hidden bias" test with you and discuss the results.

Took it, flunked it, laughed about it. Forgot about it.

14. Take a Civil Rights history vacation. Tour key sites and museums.

I've actually done this. I've been to key points of our history in Boston, been to Fort Sumter, visited a gun show (more on this later) and I've been to see various military museums, along with Richmond and Washington, D.C. Thoroughly recommended!

15. Research your family history. Share information about your heritage in talks with others.

I'm really certain that anyone else cares about the history of my family. If they want to know, they'll ask.

16. List all the stereotypes you can — positive and negative — about a particular group. Are these stereotypes reflected in your actions?

Mine eyes glaze over...

If you're still reading this, go watch The Barbershop and feel good.

Posted by: Country Pundit at 11:19 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Bah! Down with Valentine's Day and all this hearts-and-flowers rubbish. That is all.

Posted by: Country Pundit at 05:02 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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Yay Patriots.

This marks year three (or more) of me ignoring the Super Bowl. Call me crazy, but I just don't care. (If this keeps up, we're going to have to license that Michelle Branch song. --Ed.)

Posted by: Country Pundit at 11:39 PM | No Comments | Add Comment
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